I got a block of 2.5 hours sleep last night which I was pleased about, albeit on the sofa. ...maybe that's the answer..... But it meant I was even more tired on waking up. I did as I was advised last night, after tossing and turning and tangling myself up in my duvet, driving Nick insane... so I got up and pottered about downstairs. Started rereading Pride and Prejudice for the umpteenth time, watched Sherlock Holmes, (spot the Cumbria Crystal) and then put my wellies on and wandered round the garden for a few minutes, in the pitch dark, in my bathrobe. Nick said this morning that he can't stand much more, well hey, welcome to MY flaming world!! Then I was so tired this morning I nearly came a cropper round the lanes with one of Nick's lorries. So I guess he will hear about that and give him something else to have a go at me for tonight. But one step at a time, yes? At least I got a bit of sleep. Right, stop moaning......

Today I have to sort out all my receipts, since I have to do my accounts myself now. Wish I had some better organisational skills. Then after lunch, phone docs for some blood test results. Just the usual crap.

I really can't think straight at the minute. I have so much going on, am falling out with folk left, right and centre, most of them know I'm not like that really, I hope. I suppose it's easier to blow up at family than friends. Usually I will go out of my way for anyone, but I am putting on people at the moment, that really don't need it. I am furious at myself for being so selfish. I am mortified that I keep forgetting to ask how other people are doing, as though my problems are greater than theirs! As soon as I sort out my lack of sleep I'll be on my way then I'll sit back and survey the damage I've caused along that road, and try and put things right. If only I could switch my mind off. Things are constantly flashing through it. Worries. Worrying about me, worrying about others. Just really hating the person I'm becoming, and I am scared others are too. I'm not joking when I say that I was so confident once. So bubbly, affectionate... gosh... tears..... :'( I really, desperately want to be that girl again.

Can't wait to get into work tomorrow. It's the only place I feel truly happy. I can laugh and be myself, then I dread going home, which is why I tend to stick around and have the factory to myself to get on with my own work. I am looking forward to checking my kiln when I get in, and hopefully getting another firing in. I have made some fab moulds! I am dying to see how they turn out!! Beautiful colours of Bullseye glass. I've been saving this glass for something special, it's so damn expensive to buy. I'm so used to working with lead crystal, and this is a little bit different. I may order some more silver this afternoon. Plus I still need to arrange a photoshoot asap. :)

Guess I'd better make a start on these accounts, before this laptop blows up from being cried into!! Lol. xx