Feeling really good this morning. Think things are finally looking like they're headed in the right direction now. Me and Nick seem to be back on a track of sorts. Still ups and downs though. I feel really guilty, not sure why, but I've been mean. We both have. But I look at him snuggled up with little Corey at night both asleep, and my heart melts. I've been selfish and moody, miserable, but I'm trying harder and harder each day. I want things to go back to normal, but better. But I need a change. Whether it is a move away, with the family or alone, that is what I am focussing on. I love it round here so much, who wouldn't living right on the edge of the Lake District? But I'm bored. I've missed out on so much, and I know I will get my chance to live my life how I want, but I'm impatient. I'm a now or never person. I keep on looking at the property websites for Cornwall. I am really happy that the property prices are so realistic there too. It's my dream of living within walking distance of Mullion Cove or Kynance.... soppy, but late evening walks on the beach with the sea breeze in my hair when it's quiet and peaceful...heaven. My cosy warm studio next to my cottage with views across the Atlantic Sea.... I just want to cry because I want it so much. I know I go on and on about this all the time, but I'm not just sitting daydreaming of it all the time. I'm working goddam hard to make it a reality!

My jobs for today involve, well, I've already ripped out the old elements from an old kiln in my outhouse, I'm going to hammerite the whole thing shortly then scour the internet looking for a control panel for it.

It is such a stunningly beautiful day today, would have been perfect for a walk along the cliffs towards Botallack..... damn!! I'm off daydreaming again!! One day Adz...... Patience......... :)