I did a lot of thinking whilst awake last night. A LOT. I pulled apart my whole persona and figured a few things out. I am so fed up of peoples perceptions of me, after an in depth conversation with Nick earlier in the evening, which made me leave the room to sit and cry quietly with frustration. I know I've created this dizzy character, interested in hair and makeup a bit of an airhead, but I have no idea why. A confidence thing I guess, because I am so much deeper than that. More than people realise. It's funny really, especially at work, when I start talking to customers about glass-making I can see the surprise in their faces that I actually know what I'm talking about, and can answer anything. I hate that. I hate that everyones perception of me is of a ditzy blonde, yet for some reason I play on it all the time. I'm really a very astute person. I analyse peoples characters, I know when people are lying, being dishonest, being deceitful, and I despise that people lie to me and think they can get away with it because they think I'm too stupid to realise. How dare they? They are wrong. I know. I may not pick them up on it, but I do know when I am being deceived, and I will not allow it any longer. I'm guilty of it myself in the past. I know the signs, the body language. I am NOT a stupid dumb blonde. I have feelings. I have a heart. This is one of the changes to my life that I am going to make. The ditzy giggly Adele is going to be killed off. What's left will be the confident designer/maker, who is ambitious, successful, and won't be taken for a fool any longer. The blonde is going. The makeup is being toned down. I have never ever strived to be remotely pretty, that isn't what I want to achieve. I am not a beautiful person. It's just a mask I hide behind. But it is that, that makes people treat me the way they do. The true me, the 33 year old married mum, hardworking owner of her own business is what I want to concentrate on now. People can like it or lump it, they can accept me for who I am, or not. It makes no odds to me. There are people I NEED to remove from my life, that are hindering me, that constantly lie to me and can't even be honest to themselves. Then there are those who are so important to me. That I cherish, that I love dearly and are a vital part of my life. I know this may sound pretty drastic but it is something that has been on my mind all night .and is so important to me.