I am completely exhausted. Going to go and see doctor today but I have so much to do. Had that bloody pain back last night. Never experienced anything like it. Started about midnight, and I actually vomitted, I was in so much agony. Sat in tears on the end of the bed. This is happening so frequently now. Getting really worried. Right through my chest and back, to the point where I can't breathe and all I can do is lie in a hot bath. Which I did, for hours on end. So yet again no sleep. I think maybe I pushed myself a bit too hard yesterday at work, then carried it on as soon as I got back home. Just so much I want to do. I have to get my stock levels up again, and it's bloody hard work! I have to keep busy though. I don't know what to do with myself when I have nothing to do. Will never give anyone a reason to call me lazy!! Nick told me he's worried about me which I found comforting. He said I'm going to run myself into an early grave. I know he cares. He put his arm round me and said you don't realise what you've got until there's a chance you may lose it. It made me cry. I want to always mean something to him. I think things may just be ok between us. I have this daft need to be wanted and loved, all the time. I've hated thinking he doesn't care. The fear of being on my own has frightened me, I'll admit that. I just want someone to share my dreams with. I worry about whether I would work on my own. I think that's partly why I feel so ill all the time. But surely I deserve some happiness? I can't have anyone in my life who will hold me back though. I need constant support and encouragement.

Back to work, I had a wonderful result from my firing yesterday, so I can't wait to get those pieces polished up. Then even managed to get another firing in before I left. Somebody gave me a load of gold leaf, which I've incorporated into a couple of pieces, just to test, so will be intrigued as to how they turn out. I don't think it will work though. They'll go either black or red I reckon. Love experimenting though.

Anyway, taken kids to school, got some invoices to get in order, then phoning the doctor. Hopefully put an end to this feeling nasty all the time. I think moulds can wait for today.