Just trying to get away from the Everest sized pile of ironing that is completely outphasing me at the moment. I hate ironing with a passion. When I'm rich, I might pay someone to do it in future. And cook, and clean, and look after the kids..... :)
Well, my photoshoot was FABULOUS!! What a cracking guy the photographer was. I was so grateful, especially as he specialises in portraits so was a little out of his comfort zone... plus I may have ever so slightly come across as a touch fussy and bossy..? I just like perfection. "Can I have it with and without shadows?" "I don't like the dark background, I want white..." I have been eating, sleeping and breathing work lately and it has all been building up to this so I had to have it done to my standards, and I don't think he will have disappointed me. They looked amazing on his camera, so I can't wait to see. Not bothered about the ones of me though. I hate having my pic taken. He must have taken nearly 150 shots of my jewellery, but I loved how we set them up. I'll get every one of those pics too, so I have loads to choose from. I'll be sure to use him in future.
Can't get used to not having anything to do. But I was determined not to touch any of my work until I get back from Bucks. So I'm looking forward to getting back into it on Tuesday. Although I have done a bit of sneaky sketching....... I have put so much effort into it lately, I feel quite chuffed with myself. I am fully stocked again. Now I can take a step back for a few days, so it has coincided nicely with our weekend away. That is what I am suppposed to be doing now. Packing and ironing. But I'm knackered. Just having a bit of a break. Can't wait to get away though. Staying in my fave hotel, just down the road from Nick's sister. And we also get rid of Sian who is staying with her for the week!! :) I bloody well need this weekend. It will be nice to spend some quality time with Nicky too. Since lately I've been too busy for him. :( And of course after his QRSMC audits he needs it too. I love it down that way. Near Aylesbury, the Chilterns. Beautiful countryside, picturesque villages, classy people. Certainly different from round here!! Just not looking forward to the journey down later on..... :(

Finally got the whole of my new batch of jewellery completely finished late last night, but won't go on sale until the end of next week. I've booked a photoshoot for Wednesday for all my pieces, plus one or two of me for promo purposes. Can't wait for that. I'm so excited!! Nick was so enthusiastic about it all last night when he saw the finished pendants. He doesn't want me to sell half of them, that I should keep them. I have to keep telling him, it doesn't work like that. :D
I adore him for his support though. It means the absolute world to me. I can see my passion for it beginning to rub off on him. It's infectious!
Have another batch firing as we speak. It'll be torture being in work today, not being able to sneak a peak. Will have to sit on my hands!! I stayed late last night just to get that firing in. It is pretty eerie in that glass-house when you are alone. Pitch dark apart from the light above my head...the glow from the furnaces, the cracking and popping of the days used scrap glass cooling and contracting in the water troughs, sound of the air jets into the furnaces, the hum of the cooling fans.. I love it at night though. I can sit on the concrete floor shattering bits of cullet with my hammer, making as much mess as I want, although there is no evidence of that when it's time to leave. I'm very clean and tidy conscious, especially where broken glass is concerned.
I have to decide tonight what's more important, going straight from work to get an outfit for the christening on Sunday, or stay behind and get some polishing done.... Want to stay in work... :( I just have SO much on at the moment, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I have a permanent blinding headache. Nothing bad, just so many things to think about. I'm still happier than I've been in a long while though. I laugh a lot more than I have been lately. Being in work has been fab this week. Our workforce is the funniest, friendliest workforce that you could ever hope to find anywhere. I keep harping on about them, I know, but I just love each and every one of them. There is no other job on earth I don't think, where everyone is just so happy to be there. Morale is high, except when we had another power cut on thursday at a critical point in the new pot's firing schedule... It happens so often now. Power cuts at the worst possible times. Just have to wait a few days and see if damage has been done. But apart from that the future is looking golden. :)

Just waiting for my order of silver to arrive, so I can go out. Can't believe the price of silver at the moment. Nearly double what I was paying a bit back. Tried a cheaper supplier and ended up getting ripped off, I'm still positive to this day it was all silverplate. Looking forward to getting piccies taken though. Need them asap so I can do leaflets and a website. Managed to get a few contacts for website design. Going to do a FB page first. Already have some orders in, another girl getting married wants some red pendants making for the bridesmaids. There's five so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. 'Tis taking off nicely. Finding it hard to keep my stocks up. It seems I am constantly making moulds, which is a point, I need more SRS. Loving it more than ever though. I can see the improvement in each new batch I make. They are getting slicker and slicker. Plus my firings are more consistent. Not as many failures. Nick is getting more supportive too, now he has seen how it is taking off... :) He can see pound signs, and is already planning an early retirement!! Me on the other hand NEVER want to retire. I want to make glass until I die. Even got to thinking about furthering my education by going for my masters. Just for my benefit. As proof I can do it. Also thought about running courses in kiln-formed glass. That's another option for the future. I want everyone to see why glass casting and fusing is so exciting. I want to share that.

I was watching a programme last night... Don't Tell The Bride.. this was a cornish episode. It just reinforced my love of the place. The guy was a surfer, and what a lifestyle he had. Nick suddenly seemed quite keen to go, and we talked of nothing else all night. Nick's always been into windsurfing, and I have to say, he looks pretty damn hot in his wetsuit!! ;) He really wants to learn proper surfing, and to be honest, I would too. I'd have to learn to swim first though!! It's getting more torturous not being there, and to be honest, I am growing less and less fond of it round here. I don't mean The Lakes, it will always be beautiful here, but it is becoming more and more touristy and I resent that. I just hate Barrow, local towns, the people there... it will be nice to go where no one knows me and where the folk are more civilized. Nick is getting as excited as I am about our next chapter. He feels it's time for a change too.

I'm really happy at the moment. Everything is working out, I'm even sleeping better at night. Getting nearly a full 5 hours. Me and Nick are besotted again. Annoying Sian by being soppy when her friends are round. Haha! :D I've actually really missed the affection. I'm such a tactile person and hate not being hugged all the time. Sad eh? :( It's nice having someone to curl up infront of the fire with and fall asleep on again. Watch silly films with. Play-fight with. It's weird. It kinda feels as though we have started from scratch again. Even though we have Sian and Corey, but we just talk so much more. I feel butterflies again. Even something little like a kiss on the back of my head as I'm washing up. We find we WANT to spend time together whereas from about a year ago, we avoided each other a lot. Not all the time, but too much. It's still early days, things were still crap up until a couple of weeks ago, well sooner than that I guess, but although I still have my odd dark days, the sunshine is coming back in my life again. And I can honestly say hand on heart that I am truly happy and contented. For the first time in a long time. :)

AAARRGGH!! Still no post!! Wish it would hurry up. :(

Was so proud of my daughter Sian last night, going swimming with Corey at his friends party. I do put on her alot. I was sitting with Nick in the cafe with a hot chocolate watching her look after him because she's a really strong swimmer. Every one of the other parents saying how beautiful Sian is. I just felt so proud. She really is, with a figure to die for. Thank goodness she doesn't take after me. She's definitely a Clark.

Have to go to the dentist at lunchtime. Really scared. I usually have to be sedated before I can even set off, but I have run out of valium, and so have to face him without being under the influence for once. Broken out in a cold sweat already. I chipped a tooth on a boiled sweet, and if it wasn't my front tooth, I'd have been tempted to leave it. Will be a right state in a couple of hours...... Right, think positive thoughts...............................Hmmmm....he does botox and collagen fillers too. Would love the permanently surprised look.... Do I need my lips plumping up at the same time????
My wonderful hubby has just got 100% in all his QRSMA audits bar one (99%) so I am so proud of him. That's for every plant in the north-west. No one works as hard as him or puts in so many hours and this reflects that. Even when he's home, he's permanently on his laptop working. I'll have to treat him tonight when he gets back. He sounds happier now. He always gets so stressed when these audits come around. Even better that we have our romantic weekend away in 2 weeks... can't wait!! ;) Just love to be loved and to love..... :)

Well, I'd better go and get some ordering done, my supplies are dwindling and I need to fit my silver to prepare for a photoshoot next week. Then dentist, christening prezzie, pop round to see my best friend, then chill.... :) xx

Went for ultrasound scan this morning. Didn't get a single bit of sleep all night for worrying about it. In fact Nick rearranged his work, so he could drive me through since he said there was no way he was letting me drive in that state. I was wide awake though, and anyway, I drove myself down to Barrow later on. They found nothing. But she did say that the stomach and intestines don't show up on a scan. The rest of my organs are fine, so she told me to go and book an appointment with my GP as soon as I get home for further tests. Forget it. I've had it with doctors and hospitals. I haven't had that pain for a few days anyway, so no point in wasting anymore of anyone's time. I know I might sound stubborn and stupid, but I am SO frustrated at the moment. With everything. There's plenty of people who are so much worse off than me, so how selfish do I sound whinging about me, me, me all the time?? I think the best bet is to just sit back and what will be, will be. I hate fuss. Always have, always will. I know I'm fine, I really am. I did appreciate Nick being there actually. The fact he's worried about me at the moment is quite comforting. Although I hate being worried about usually, but I crave his attention now. I want that concern from him and him alone. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? I just wanted him to stay at home with me, and not go back into work.
Oh well. I did intend on catching up on some sleep this afternoon, but my jewellery is calling me. I need to drill my new pieces, and set some stones. Maybe get into work later on if I feel up to it.

Was really looking forward to getting into work today. Had so much to do. I had a really good natter with the factory manager about the likelihood of getting back into the hotshop again, which was really promising but I still feel really torn between that and PR work. Nick is pushing me into the PR side, because it's much more lucrative and will benefit my own business. It's a skill that will enable me to work anywhere, where as glassmaking isn't as easy to work in if we move away. I know he's right. The money will be fab, and it means we could move to Cornwall sooner rather than later......but.........I'm a glassmaker at heart. What do I do??? Money doesn't always equal happiness, and I can't do both. I need to think some more.
Anyway, the rest of the day was ok, up until I started polishing. I missed out a whole stage of grinding, trying to get it done quicker so I could get back home to Nick, but after buffing my pieces with Xerox powder, found all the lines, from the previous grinding stage. So I have to go back to the last disc all over again. I am furious with myself. That is the kind of thing I just don't do. It has to wait until Tuesday now.
Have more moulds to make tonight, and then I'm not far off being ready for a photoshoot. I hope. So a late night for me again. Not that I'll sleep anyway. I am worrying myself sick about my scan tomorrow...... :(

Will fill this in even though I can barely see straight. Waiting for painkillers to kick in. I have the worst headache ever this morning. Had it last night too. I know it's worry. I was ok up until yesterday. It seems everyone's talking about death at the moment, and then it hit me that I have my scan on Monday, and yes, as usual, I fear the worst. What if it's something serious? Of course it will be serious!! It's me!! That is my life at the moment. It doesn't rain, it pours. To be honest, I am scared. Plus I have to go alone. I never go for things like that alone. I feel panicky. I know I sound a bit irrational, but I have to look at all possibilities. And I guess I'm a touch tired too, which always makes things seem worse.
Worried about work too. Was asked yesterday what I would prefer to do. Make glass, OR work in PR. I'd love to do both but they are both full time jobs. I've never been put in a position where I've been asked to decide what job I'd like to do before. I love glass-making, it's what I went to uni for, but the idea of PR work is so exciting too. I'd have to travel around a bit, and I do know all there is to know about our lead crystal and the company. I've been given time to decide, but I am torn. A full time job, and my jewellery on the side? I think I could handle the work load. Just more things to add to everything else on my mind. There's no way I would give up my jewellery. But I have to prepare myself for having hardly any free time. I just don't know. I feel as though my head is going to explode at the moment. I can't arrange things into any kind of order in my mind. It's chaos in there. I just want to be in a position where I don't have to worry about money or providing for my kids anymore. Wish I could just win the lottery tonight. No actually, I'd STILL insist on working..... I'm just one crazy, loopy, screwed up girl. Now I am insisting on a nice day out somewhere. Try and take my mind off things a bit.......