Will fill this in even though I can barely see straight. Waiting for painkillers to kick in. I have the worst headache ever this morning. Had it last night too. I know it's worry. I was ok up until yesterday. It seems everyone's talking about death at the moment, and then it hit me that I have my scan on Monday, and yes, as usual, I fear the worst. What if it's something serious? Of course it will be serious!! It's me!! That is my life at the moment. It doesn't rain, it pours. To be honest, I am scared. Plus I have to go alone. I never go for things like that alone. I feel panicky. I know I sound a bit irrational, but I have to look at all possibilities. And I guess I'm a touch tired too, which always makes things seem worse.
Worried about work too. Was asked yesterday what I would prefer to do. Make glass, OR work in PR. I'd love to do both but they are both full time jobs. I've never been put in a position where I've been asked to decide what job I'd like to do before. I love glass-making, it's what I went to uni for, but the idea of PR work is so exciting too. I'd have to travel around a bit, and I do know all there is to know about our lead crystal and the company. I've been given time to decide, but I am torn. A full time job, and my jewellery on the side? I think I could handle the work load. Just more things to add to everything else on my mind. There's no way I would give up my jewellery. But I have to prepare myself for having hardly any free time. I just don't know. I feel as though my head is going to explode at the moment. I can't arrange things into any kind of order in my mind. It's chaos in there. I just want to be in a position where I don't have to worry about money or providing for my kids anymore. Wish I could just win the lottery tonight. No actually, I'd STILL insist on working..... I'm just one crazy, loopy, screwed up girl. Now I am insisting on a nice day out somewhere. Try and take my mind off things a bit.......